Off with the head!

date: saturday, 10th of march
mood: missing. weird
weather:  4°C
anni and dani's sleeping noise
the computer noise
book|s: -
food: bread with cheese
drink: amaretto with apple juice
drugs: alcohol
talking with: the lil girl in my head
to do: just sleeping right now
done: a lot today & nothing
wishes?:
anything to sing?: These are the things you make me do!
entry nr.: 38
 
 
My head is full again. Fucking full. Can't get all the thoughts into an order right now and I guess even writing won't work. Shit.

I started to work on my 'book'. Yeah, let's not call it a book anyway. At least I try to write a longer story. There's a bit of truth in it, some experiences and also fiction.
It's hard to get all this organised. I mean, I need names for the characters, each of it needs a biography and so on. And I fuckin' don't have any ideas how to call them. There does not fit a single name. Didn't expect this to be the hardest part.
I wrote some scenes already but it will take its time.

Dani is sleeping already. I feel tired. Yeah, seriously tired. But as soon as I lay down my eyes won't shut. It sucks.
What the fuck can I do against it?
When will I get my sleep back? When does it work 'normal'?
I hate it like that.


I had a great weekend. Met Alina and Anne again. It went suprisingly well. I hope that was a good start and we can make it out again. Hopefully!
We went to Tabu, played games, drank a lot, had fun and so on. ♥
And on monday they have been at our place. Cooking together, watching Vampire Diaries (and I still hate almost every character) and went for a walk. On tuesday it was time so say bye again. Until summer I guess.
But it felt so good ... the whole thing.

Sunday was this VIP party thing at Groove. We went there at 9pm and about one hour later I was so wasted. Stayed there until 2.30am and took a cab home with our favourite honey. ^^
I was so sorry for him, that he had to leave that early the next day but we had an appointment... Next time.


I'm done with him.
Finally.
All these argues and bad words and acting like children was so silly. I don't want this anymore. I wrote him a message and explained my whole situation. That our lifes don't fit together, our life-styles!
He did not answer. So I guess he agrees.
Hmm, now it is his life again. He can do whatever he wants. I don't care. At least I force myself not to care. But it works out fine until now. It'll be better in future.


Missing the other one a lot. Don't know when I haven't seen him that long for the last time. It is for weeks now. Sigh.
Hate the situation, but I made an decision.
And I have to face it now.


Actually when you think about this I made kinda lot decision in the last time. Good or bad ones? I don't know.
I'll see. But I hope I haven't done any mistakes.

No university at the moment. Next course is at april, 19th. So I am not quite sure how to spend my days. I am - as I have been writing yet - working a lot on my story. Today I started to clean each angle of the kitchen.
But actually nothing satisfies me.
I need some sense.
It's hard to find.


Had a lot of weird dreams the last weeks.
A lot frightened me, some made me laugh and the most just made me think. Yeah, finally even more to think about.

I still try to figure out what to think about certain people in my surounding. I am not sure about .. hmm. About what actually?
About their motives, their feelings, their thoughts.
Gnah, too complicated.


I guess I am starting to write nonesense. Should stop right now and go to get some sleep.
I don't want to sleep the whole day tomorrow. I hate waking up that late. I don't want this anymore. So I try to get up early and hopefully I won't be that tired at night because we are going to Dog's Home. The guys do have a gig there.
Even though I am not in the mood yet I guess that might be a nice day tomorrow.
Night.
10.4.10 01:05
 


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